When a friend of mine made disparaging comments on social media about a quote from James Baldwin and the ideas behind the Black Lives Matter movement, claiming he couldn't see any evidence that Black Americans are disadvantaged or discriminated against, I challenged him. I asked him how he explained Black people having 1/10th the wealth of whites, receiving less pay for the same jobs with the same education, paying more in mortgage rates for homes that appraise for less. I asked why is it that Black men are locked up at three times the rates of white men for drugs (even though they use and sell them at the same rate), that they face tougher plea deals and are more likely to get convicted by juries and then serve more time for the same crimes. What leads Black women to suffer more deaths in childbirth, Black men to die younger, and all of them to be less likely to receive necessary healthcare even with the same insurance? After some bobbing and weaving, he finally said bad things happen to people who make bad choices.
It became clear to me that he really believed that all the discrepancies in outcomes for Black Americans were somehow the fault of Black people. In his mind Black people just make more bad choices. It was their own fault in some way he couldn't really describe and didn't feel comfortable stating directly (he said he was worried people would take it the wrong way). When I pointed out this was a negative generalization based on race, he ignored the implication. When I asked why someone would choose to pay higher interest rates or get arrested more often, he didn't have an answer. When I asked how personal choice explained redlining or where our highways ended up he simply didn't understand what I was talking about. When I asked if he'd look at some more evidence and consider a different conclusion he remained silent. When I suggested he needed to be willing to confront his own racism if he wanted to understand the state of our world he took great offense and walked away.
To be perfectly clear here: my friend is a white guy. A rich and successful white guy. Well educated, quite smart and reasonable. Very nice guy. Works with and for a number of Black people. I think his understanding of racsim is typical of his group and shared among a surprising (to me) number of my friends. And what it comes down to is this: it isn't racism if it's true. He looks at the outcomes for Black people and uses that to justify his belief that Black people are inferior. And he doesn't feel the least bit racist for believing it. His opinion isn't based on any real reading of the evidence but simply his life experience. So as far as he knows, as far as he wants to know, he's right and therefor cannot be wrong (racist).
I think a lot of it stems from the fact he believes he accomplished everything he did because of his own merit, so anyone who does not succeed the same way must be lesser than him. And anything that threatens that view of his own self-worth is to be denied with all haste never to be discussed or evaluated. If Black people are disadvantaged, he realizes it means he was advantaged - but that is not how he sees himself. If many other people (like him) feel the same way, then it must be valid and also true. If you treat individuals fairly and equally, then you cannot be racist because being racist is bad. He knows in his heart of hearts he is a good person (and society certainly affirms this). He's simply honest about race and honest is good. He cannot be racist so racism cannot be a real problem.
Mind you, he believes racsim exists. But if believing Black people are inferior doesn't count as racism, what does? Well, using the n-word. But only if you use it seriously - it's okay to use it in a song, or as long as no Black people are around. It's wrong to deny a Black person a job based on their race, but it's fine to only grant interviews to those who seem like they would fit in. Trust your gut. It's racist to be impolite to a Black colleague, but completely natural to admit Black communities are strife with crime and drugs. Racism is blatant and mean, not subtle and pervasive. We used to have a problem with it but all that went away after the Civil Rights movement (which worked because it was completely peaceful). So yes, there are still some racist people around, but they are few, they are generally poor and uncouth, they exist somewhere else and they don't have any real power or affect society at large. Racism writ large is a thing of the past.
After all, that's what the white guy reading the news tells him. That's what his white friends tell him. That's what his politicians tell him - at least the white guy politicians he listens to and agrees with. The people saying otherwise are Black, and how much can we really trust them on the issue? They're just complaining because they can't succeed like he did. Further proof that something is wrong with them. And the white people (like me) who try to point out the evidence of systemic racism are merely deluded, self-hating liberals who got duped by those (inferior) Black people or are being manipulated by white politicians who are fighting racism solely to gain power. No need to engage with such people (or their evidence) because he already knows he's right.
And against such certainty, motivated by self-protection, I have come up against a brick wall. I don't know how to reach people like him. I suppose I ought to keep trying, that we could still be friends because of our other shared interests and ability to discuss trivial matters in a inconsequential way. If he'd never shown me what he believes I probably would have never asked and our friendship would be fine. But once that window to the soul is opened it cannot be closed. I cannot ask how his 401k is doing without wondering how much of his wealth comes at the expense of others. I cannot hear him praise his Black boss at work without wondering if he voted in favor of increasing our carceral state that disproportionately targets Black youths. I don't really want to be friends with anyone who is willingly doing harm to others, even it's just through willful ignorance. Maybe that's my failing. Or maybe too many of us white folk are willing to keep letting things slide on the unrealistic hope that ignoring the problem will lead to incremental progress which will ultimately reach the goal. But we know that isn't true. We know that ignoring a problem, denying evidence, and resisting change is never the way to improvement. Maybe those of us who desire change need to continue to make ourselves and our friends uncomfortable. Maybe we all need to face a little loss, be it losing friends or losing face. Maybe the truth is what we all need, because racism is true.
