The Difference in the Similarities

Everything is polarized these days: Liberals vs. Conservatives, Republicans vs. Democrats, Black vs. White. We are so busy dividing ourselves into Us vs. Them that we miss out on the many commonalities we share. The truth is, most of us have similar beliefs. We share a similar morality and generally want the same things out of life. We even go about achieving our goals the same way - we get a job, work hard, make friends, fall in love, raise a family, do right by those in our lives. People are more similar than they are different.

But those differences, sometimes just little things, DO matter. Drawing them out can be of utmost importance for a society and the arc of its evolution. Make no mistake, differences matter, but how we talk about them and what we ignore or focus upon guides so much of our conversation.

A case in point: I recently read an interesting article from a self-described pro-life feminist. The thrust of the article was how reasonable and sympathetic she was. That her goals are fundamentally the same as many of the pro-choice camp. In fact, the suggestion was her's were more female-friendly: she wanted to reduce the need for abortion, she recognized that abortions disproportionately affect women of color and therefore are discriminatory. She wanted to help women, and when she explained that to the angry pro-choice protestors she met they were won over by her rationality and given a new understanding of how pro-woman her position really is.

Except it's not. The similarities are there. I agree that abortion is not a good thing. If we can help women avoid facing that incredibly difficult choice then they are likely to be better off, especially the disadvantaged who are most likely to face negative repercussions regardless of the decision they make. We should have a better support system where having a child when you're single, poor, or in other bad circumstances doesn't ruin your chances for a bright future.

But we should also have a support system for those who recognize the reality of the hardships that they will face if they keep their child, for those who know they are not up to the task of carrying a baby to term, much less the years of demanding motherhood to follow. We should have more readily available options for birth control, especially for women, to avoid the situation in the first place. Some anti-abortion proponents might agree with these ideas, but many do not. Many seek to tackle the problem of abortion by making it more of a problem. They want to make it more difficult to get (which means more difficult for the poor - the rich always have options). They want to make it more of a stigma, making the choice more difficult and damning for the woman. They often want to withdraw the support system we have, reduce availability of birth control, and refuse to educate women on their options and responsibilities in general. We all want to reduce abortions, but how we accomplish that is a defining characteristic of who we are as a people.

In her own words, the author of the article slipped in the truth. Alongside all her talk of being pro-woman, all her reasonableness and support for women and understanding of the discriminatory nature of the questions, in one quick aside she laid bared the heart of the difference between those who call themselves pro-life and those who truly support the lives and choices that women are faced with. She said 'The pro-life movement is trying to make legal abortion less available, sure, but ...'. The but doesn't matter. All the talk about all the other good stuff doesn't matter. At its heart, the pro-life movement is trying to limit the legal right of women to choose for themselves, knowing full well who those limitations will hurt the most.

Maybe we should focus more on the agreement - it would be great if pro-lifers supported programs that reduced unwanted pregnancies (like cheap access to effective birth control which Planned Parenthood provides), fought for greater paid leave for new parents, were willing to pay for a better education system that would increase the options for the poorest among us and create a stronger safety net for all women at every level. But the fundamental difference exists, and if you condemn those who do not believe what you believe and deny them the right to act upon it, if you admit that right yet fight against it, you undermine everything you say you stand for. Stop trying to tell the other side what to believe and spend more time actually supporting women in a way that makes sense, and I bet you'd find the difference is still there, but far less potent than it currently is.