It's not You, it's Everyone Else

It is completely natural for human beings to see the world from their personal perspective. We make judgments based on our own experiences, we validate truths in reference to our own knowledge base, we approve morality based on our upbringing and beliefs. We take everything personally because our fundamental instinct is one of personal preservation. It's natural and normal, but it's limiting when discussing the broad concepts involved in a large and complex society.

When we talk about gun safety in this country the first response of most gun owners is the insistence of their responsibility and rights. If we discuss race issues, everyone has to establish that they aren't racist. If you talk to someone on the other side of the aisle about their party's position the response is 'that doesn't apply to me'. No matter the topic or the side, any attempt to analyze group behavior gets redacted to a personal experience. Which misses the whole point.

Of course there are responsible gun owners. There are non-racist white people, hard working and honest Mexicans, kind Republicans, generous millionaires, and efficient public and private entities. But there are also racist jerks in this world, criminal immigrants, slothful workers of all colors, and wasteful government programs. The point isn't the existence of a thing, but the prevalence of it.

In order to have a discussion of societal issues - what's wrong with our country, how do we improve it - it's necessary to look at statistics, actual hard data, in order to see the truth beyond our individual experiences. I'm a middle class white male. I don't really experience racism. Or sexism. Food stamps don't play a role in my life and the insurance that I have (through my wife's work) is pretty good. If I look through my own lens, life is good and doesn't need much change. I can understand how those in similar circumstances resist the suggestion to 'improve' things by taking from us to redistribute to others. But I can also understand how people in a different position face a much different reality. It's the empathy for the other that is ultimately the most important aspect of rationally assessing the world and recognizing unfairness where it exists and devising solutions that represent the greatest good for the largest numbers.

So if someone talks about an issue and your response is personal - not me; I don't see that; I don't think that's true; not among my friends - you've already given up any grounds for a productive discussion. It's hard but absolutely essential to try to remove ourselves from the equation and acknowledge everyone else in the world. No one does it completely. We all have our biases. But if we start from the personal perspective there's no hope of arriving at the general answer.